Being Undefined By The Materialistic
I’ve told the story of growing up in poverty countless times it seems. For an overview, when I was eight or nine years old my mother was in a car accident, one that sent the next ten years of our lives into a devastating spiral. When we could no longer bear living in bug-infested motels or couch surfing with relatives, we were forced to live in a homeless shelter. Not the brightest years of my childhood, but years that taught me the true meaning of gratitude.
Essentially this severely dampened my relationship with money. I spent the bulk of my childhood incredibly fearful. Any item that I was to possess, I was always mentally prepared for its loss. Being a kid amongst poverty is to experience true powerlessness. You feel weakened by the sight of your peers hardships, and you have little to no ability to do anything about it when you’re not of working age. All I could do was be along for the ride. When it was time to move, then it was exactly that. I didn’t have a say in where we went because I didn’t fully understand what was happening. It is an experience I would never want my own child to endure, and at the same time it is a chapter of my life that has taught me greatly.
Once I was old enough to get a job, things progressively got better. Making my own money gave me a newfound freedom, hell even paying my own bills made me feel liberated. I’ve never been a woman of significant wealth, but entering my twenties made me realize that I had a lot more control over my life than I thought I did, and that in this day in age– ways to make money are limitless.
I spent my mid-twenties devoted to self-discipline and learning the statistics of money making. I have a lot more confidence with my approach to money now. I know that when I set my mind to it, I can make as much money as I desire. I’ve also learned the mental and emotional cons to being a 24/7 hustler. I do believe that in order to obtain our dreams we have to put in the effort and make sacrifices, but no one was designed to work their lives away and be under a constant state of stress. Look at the amount of billionaires there are who have serious mental health problems and addiction issues.
I realized that although I don’t want to stay trapped in the poverty mindset, I don’t want to be someone who exists solely in survival mode. I also don’t want to be someone who spends their lives chasing something. I don’t want to base my worth on materialistic values. With the knowledge I have now surrounding money, I’ve remembered that my worth doesn’t stem from anything external. I know that like anything, money is an ebb and a flow. Sometimes I’ll have more of it, other times I’ll have less and that’s okay.
I grew up with two role models who viewed money differently, one living in scarcity and constantly fearing when her possessions would be taken from her. So she held dearly onto what she had to the point where her belongings were fairly tarnished and no longer good quality. The other one was very tech savvy, and had a strong head on her shoulders. She was a natural born entrepreneur who knew how to make money efficiently. However as the money she made amplified, she began to accumulate more things, and most of the time she was buying things to prove to herself just that she could. I feel like I’ve reached the point in my life where I reside happily and healthily in the middle. I don’t live in fear of loss, because I don’t believe items are meant to be eternal. I also don’t desire to make a ton of money just to buy a bunch of unnecessary stuff that only takes up space. What I want out of life is to be happy. I aim to be at peace wherever I am to live, and to give intention to whatever I purchase.
I am someone who requires very little to be happy, and I’m incredibly grateful for all that I have. I know that regardless of the matter, I’ll always have what I need to live comfortably because my priorities aren’t immeasurable expectations. I don’t aspire to be the CEO of a multi-million dollar company and I don’t subscribe to the scarcity mindset. All I need is enough to live comfortably. I enjoy being a minimalist, I’m someone who enjoys having space to move around, I enjoy dancing around my house for hours in the morning sunlight. So if I can do that, then I feel like I’m on top of the world.
I am happy that I’m no longer someone who worries about showing up in spaces not wearing top-notch designer brands, that I’m someone who shows up being herself and how she can best show off her personality. My big heart, my humor, my intelligence, how down to earth and introspective I am. My spirit. Ensuring wherever it resides, that it’s valued for how wonderful she is and existing in an environment that brings me peace and happiness.
Although I may not be as rich as others, I feel rich in spirit. I may have less than some, but compared to my past self, I have a lot.
Happiness isn’t meant to be an endless search in the external world, but a journey to who we are within and how the outside can match the inside. My peace resides in the awareness of this. How growing up in a financial deficit taught me humility and the purpose of gratitude. How learning about money brought respect for what it truly is. How energy is the driving force for how we live and how we choose to look at things. The removal of pride, letting go of control. Allowing myself to live in the simple yet most fulfilling ways.
Gratitude, trust, intuition– these are my principles. As long as I have these, everything will be okay. No, better than okay, that’ll be great.